“Let’s go; I think we just have to do it.” My husband, Jimmy, said. Tears welling up in both our eyes, over lunch in a place we tried new just that day; quaint, east side, hidden treasure kind of place. Even our surroundings seemed to remind us the importance of going somewhere new. Not only with our life, also with our mindsets, with our children, with our idea of security and our ability to find the courage to say yes to unknown outcomes. Risking what we thought might be our well-being, safety, livelihood and possibly our home, the greatest reason wasn’t because we wanted adventure or longed for change, even though we did want those things. We were willing to ask God for a new way to live and we wanted to believe that He had provided the first step of a very drawn out answer. We believed it. And we said yes.
A few weeks earlier, Jimmy and I, after much discussion and both feeling a strong pull to live and raise our children in Central or South America decided it was time for a first step. We would go for a summer, pray, and we would be open. Both self employed at this point, we felt we could make a go of it; see how our kids would do in a foreign place. We had spent months discussing. We had recently changed much about our lifestyle and learned to say both yes and no more intentionally and we were already tender to the impact that had on our family, our kids, the hours of talking, hugs and tears that were required. And still, we said no to constant sports, no to impossible career choices, yes to leaving one career and keeping the other one, yes to downsizing and simplifying, yes to changing schools, and we had stumbled, albeit purposefully into a time of total willingness to ask and receive anything God wanted to give. Or at least that’s what we thought. We would open doors by sending emails asking crazy questions and one thing simply led to another very quickly.
We received a call from a pastor from Nicaragua, traveling back stateside for the exact times we had planned to come. He was open to us living in his house, driving his car and motorcycle and was willing to introduce us to all his friends. A local coffee farm in need of marketing guidance wanted my husband to do some work while there in Matagalpa, Nicaragua at the coffee farm. A few of our college friends in Austin needed a summer home for their own transition, and could live in our home while we were gone. Every step became clearer and we were able to say yes. We would go and learn, and meet new people. We would serve and pray and experience new things. We could work remotely and maintain our stateside jobs. Things fell into place. When the time came for us to buy plane tickets. We found a great airfare and needed to purchase within 24 hours to avoid price increases.
As soon as the decision was made, we had a swift but real interruption enter into our plans. Jimmy walked in from work this same day; all the color had vanished from his face. He had bad news. His company was having a cash flow problem. The kind of problem, as the owner, you can’t walk out on and one that he hadn’t really seen before. “We can’t go,” he said, “I have to stay and fix this.” Our yes turned to an absolute no.
“You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
After an intense silence and as the beginning of disappointment and frustration began to settle on us both, a thought overcame me. Could we even possibly say no? I mean, we had already agreed, prayed and had a sense of confidence that this opportunity was from God. We were saying yes to Him, so now we were going to say no? Couldn’t God work out any financial woes or make a business turnaround? My mind raced back and forth. We had said yes, not only to many new friends in another country who had led us through the initial but time consuming process, but we truly felt God had made a way and we were actually saying no. He would still love us. He would not be mad at us. He is with us wherever we go. We knew this. We knew for sure he didn’t need us to go, didn’t need us to do anything really. But we felt that He had invited us to this and the intense tension this brought was almost paralyzing.
“Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
The final day to purchase tickets came. My friend, Amber, called me. And in the span of the next few hours after sharing all my reservations, hesitations, all my logical ‘wisdom’ about why we should wait, she shared just a few thoughts. That fear typically isn’t a good reason to say no. Especially when you experience what feels like an answer to a very specific question and every part of you desires to say yes. I left that conversation and got in the car, headed to pick up Jimmy for lunch. We got in the car with so much to say, but no words.
We arrived and found this small table at the quaint, east side spot in Austin, Texas, and planned to talk about letting everyone know why we couldn’t go, and I imagined we were to discuss the process of unraveling all we had begged God to weave together. But in one moment, Jimmy and I, sitting across the tiny table from each other totally conflicted, scared of all we might lose, decided together that we would and should be more conflicted and scared to say no to the story God seemed to be inviting us to. We needed to choose. That afternoon, we purchased 5 roundtrip tickets to Nicaragua.
“He said “come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.” Matthew 14:29
Fast forward a few days. Within the same week or so, multiple calls from various clients began coming in wanting the firm’s work. It was unprecedented. Multiple calls like, “Can I pay you the lump sum now and have you do the work later?” And on and on it went. Even before our flights took off that summer day from Austin with our kids, the business was healthy, with more business than it required. Jimmy had the blessings of everyone within the business and we were humbled and reminded that God is in control, that we are not, and that sometimes the illogical decisions make the most sense. The business is just fine, thriving still today.
We arrived late night to an acquaintance (only by skype) in Managua, Nicaragua. An entire month and a half of new adventures awaited us, including language barriers, getting lost in travel, grappling with real injustices, fear and leaning into tensions that felt completely new and unknown. We walked through each thing giving our children a front row seat to a tension parents typically don’t wish for their kids. Within all of these we became stronger. We became closer first to Jesus and then to each other. We began to believe more about trust and faith, and learned to make discomfort something we could make peace with. And as our story is being woven together still today, this is a step we’ve never regretted, lessons we’ve never forgotten, and a place we revisit often when reminders are needed. We are a forgetful people. Do what you must to allow God to interrupt and shape your plans. You’ll have to talk to Him a whole lot to get through it, and you’ll never regret the walk you took with Him so close by your side.